The Alabaster Girl is a breath of fresh air. In a world filled with disdain between the sexes, Zan Perrion’s epic prose gleefully breaks down notions that occupy the modern psyche and public discourse on men and women.
The novel came highly recommended to me. I wasn’t quite sure what its contents were, but I was intrigued by the potential to learn some deep insights into seduction. In fact, Zan’s name seemed familiar, and I recall that he was mentioned in Neil Strauss’s classic The Game. I can’t recall exactly what Neil touted him for—I’ll have to reread it at some point—but he spoke highly of him, saying Zan was “…the undisputed heavyweight of the genre… in four years, he never once asked for advice, he only gave it.”
The book is structured in a unique fashion. The ‘world’s greatest seducer’, no doubt an avatar of Zan, is being interviewed by a journalist on his exploits and seduction ability. His lengthy answers, anecdotes, and intermittent quotes of what appears to be a book within a book provide the insights you’re looking for.
His philosophy towards life, women, seduction, masculinity are profound and require an in-depth look of their own. This is why I chose to break this book into multiple reviews, to really tackle these concepts in-depth. Stay tuned for the next part, as we will delve into beauty, seduction, masculinity and fulfillment next time.
Today, we will focus on the nature of men and women as portrayed in The Alabaster Girl.
The Nature of Women
It’s hard to appreciate women for what they are today. Deep down they are beautiful creatures, yet society has covered them in ugliness (Not to mention burqas in some countries). And not just physically, through endorsing obesity via ‘body-positivity’, but through erasing the legacy of femininity from the Western world. Indeed there are still some attractive women in the Western world, but what of it?
Everywhere are women in short skirts and perfect outfits and perfect makeup, dancing and prancing on tables and runways. We see female shapes and forms all around us, yet so little femininity. Hair, lips, and breasts can all be purchased, but that’s not femininity— that’s renovations… In our culture, true femininity and true masculinity are as rare as ghost orchids.
I think this is an interesting distinction between femininity and ‘hotness’—the two are certainly used interchangeably too often. True beauty is rare, especially with your average women out there. Beauty is indeed aesthetic, but it is as they say ‘More than skin deep’.
Femininity is not something that men can collectively forced on women. There must be a revolution of ideas, one that will most likely be brought about by women to restore femininity—forgive me for not holding my breath.
Like other men, I will go so far as to leave my country to find a feminine woman. Why not? Why spend my life with someone who cannot compliment my masculine nature with a delicate, nurturing aura of femininity.
For now though, we then must accept women in their current state: The raw, passionate, sexual creatures that they are.
Have you ever been a woman’s fantasy? If not, why not? This, to me, was as profound a thought as any ever posited by the mind of man. Every woman is fantasizing about somebody. Every woman is looking out her window or lying in her bed dreaming about somebody. Was it me? Had it ever been me? Ever? If not, why not? The weight of that thought broke my heart. Because, yes… why not? Every woman is dreaming about somebody. Why not me?
How do we find our way into a woman’s fantasy?
Dio we blow their minds in bed?
Or do we give them a wink and a smile that becomes burned in their memory?
Zan points out that enrapturing the mind of women comes down to truly adoring women:
All my life, while other men were over there, drinking beer and cheering or cursing at sports or whatever, I was over here engaging with all the women.
Perhaps we’re getting a bit ahead of ourselves. Before we can become a sexual fantasy of a woman, we must arouse her curiosity. We must make her want us.
Women can smell other women on a man. They know. They know who spends time in the company of women and who does not. And whether women admit it or not, there is a kind of intoxication that results, a mild but lingering curiosity, a subconscious raising of one eyebrow. Hmm, what is it about this particular guy? Women beget women.
This is Game 101. When men expose themselves to more women in a sexual manner, they benefit in so many ways. They become less intimidated around attractive women. They learn what to say and how to say it. Moreover being in the presence of women, regularly and cherishing that time, is what will truly pay off.
Another interesting observation that resonated from this book are the women today who are far from feminine. For me, the women who have acted the most ‘masculine’ prior to getting to know them, turned out to be the biggest sweethearts and little girls at heart. Feminism today has been simply used as a shield to protect women from making themselves emotionally vulnerable to men they’re attracted to. Peeling that layer off will expose women for who they truly are.
Zan sums it up quite well:
Every woman wants to be in a love story. Women want the same thing they have always wanted since they were little girls. To be noticed. To be adored. To be seen as lovely. To be celebrated. To be in a love story.
The Nature of Men
If women truly want to be little girls, then it only makes sense that men who are successful with women make them feel that way. They are unapologetically masculine, yet playfully childish and curious.
Here is a sublime secret of the ages, the secret of men whom women eternally love: They are father figures and little boys— simultaneously! There you go. I’ve never heard anyone say that before, but I am convinced it is true. Leadership and vulnerability, a lightning combination that is utterly impossible for women to resist. It is the greatest strength of these men…
Behold! The fundamental ingredient for dynamic interactions and sublime relationships with women: curiosity…a general lack of curiosity is the worst of all traits.
Curiosity—true curiosity—is truly caring about something.
Who is this beautiful woman in front of me? What makes her tick? What was her childhood like? What is she passionate about? Has she ever known true love?
Another fundamental aspect of The Alabaster Girl that I presume gets overlooked is the transition from a subjective worldview to an objective worldview. Zan explains:
A man tends to go through three evolutionary stages in his life when it comes to women. In the first stage, he is nice and accommodating… In the second stage, he is tired of those lackluster results. He learns not to be so accommodating, not to supplicate, not to put women on a pedestal, not to compliment them too much… In the third stage… guess what? None of this matters anymore. He does whatever the hell he wants. He buys women dinners, movies, flowers. He picks up the check. He opens the door and takes her by the hand. He compliments women highly, he celebrates them graciously, he moves among them easily…
This is one of the most important excerpts that I took out of the book. I want to truly be at stage three, and relish in all that has to offer, but I know I’m only in the second stage. I know I still don’t have what it takes to just let go of all my cares and not worry about how a woman is perceiving me.
This type of evolution in mindset is apparent in every field requiring mastery. Take this Bruce Lee quote:
“Before I learned the art, a punch was just a punch, and a kick, just a kick.
After I learned the art, a punch was no longer a punch, a kick, no longer a kick.
Now that I understand the art, a punch is just a punch and a kick is just a kick.”
What is happening is that in the first stage the practitioner is living in an objective reality. For women, the man wants to truly treat a woman with kindness and care, but does it not because he is expressing his masculinity or intent, but because he feels a societal obligation to. In the next stage, he’s reached a form of subjective consciousness, where he feels that he must calibrate every interaction to respond to her. The final stage reverts back to the objective mindset and behaviors of stage one, but not because he is too accommodating, but because he truly cherishes women and loves treating them like ladies.
He gives an excellent example of a ‘stage two’ guy the main character is coaching in the book:
You asked for my advice and here it is: If you only smile and “turn it on” and “buy drinks” for women you are physically attracted to, and you ignore all the rest like they don’t exist just because you think they cannot benefit you in some way, well then, quite frankly, you lose. You lose at women. You lose at life. Charm is not something you can turn on and off whenever you think it suits you. Charm is not what you do. It is what you are. I am not necessarily attracted to these two either. But they are women. They are lovely. They deserve our entire attention. They are dancing for us. For us. Do you understand? This is why I have women in my life and you do not.”
He gives other examples throughout the book. You simply must learn to love all women, not just pretty women. This deep appreciation of women is what leads to the objectivity of stage three.
This idea of the three stages of ‘reality’ come into play again in Zan’s discussion of what it takes to be a good lover:
The greatest lovers please only themselves in bed. (Again, goes back to objective and subjective reality)…There are three stages in the sexual experience of a man. In stage one, he is a little lost in bed… Later in life, if he has paid attention and has a desire to learn, he eventually moves on to stage two. He is now considered to be “good in bed.”… The best lovers are the ones who did their time in stage one, then moved on to stage two, spending years punching that particular time-clock, and now have moved on to stage three. This is a stage very few men will ever attain, but when one does, it is remarkable indeed! A man in stage three pleases himself, not her. For he has come to the profound realization that by pleasing himself, he is ultimately pleasing her.
My Kindle version of this book is full of highlights. Despite having a ton of quotes here, there are still many more that I was fond of. Additionally, some of the quotes here I cut down, as I don’t like giving away too much content without permission.
That said, here are a few more words of wisdom from The Alabaster Girl on the subject of men and women:
I would suggest that a married man is more attractive to women because he is simply being himself. He doesn’t care. He says whatever he pleases. He has nothing to prove. He is more relaxed and less worried about impressing her than other men. He is just being himself, which is to say, more real, with bright-hued playfulness.
I once heard a man ask a group of women why they always seem to get together with bad boys and one of them thought for a moment, then answered, “Because they ask.” There you go.
When a man sets out on a journey of excellence, heading toward the life he desires, seeking relevance in his life no matter what the cost, he discovers that women always find him attractive, that there is a great abundance of women in this world, that there is no need whatsoever to play games, and that trivialities like phone numbers are automatic, falling all around him like snowflakes in a field.
Again, stay tuned for Part II of this discussion.
If you can’t wait, grab yourself a copy and start reading.
Click here to get your copy of The Alabaster Girl by Zan Perrion on Amazon.